We moved to Frankfurt a little over a year ago.
When we stepped off the plane, I spoke about 10 words of German (none of them were pronounced correctly), knew no one other than the friendly folks who hired me, and was pretty clueless about what life would look like.
Over the course of the first few months, I scribbled some thoughts in a notes app and jotted some things down with the hope of really reflecting at some point. Perhaps this will be in my memoirs (she says, in a French accent). The idea of moving here felt so enormous, but the day to day experience has been pretty…ordinary? In a good way. But trying to find big meaning in the ordinary can be kind of tedious. So, I pocketed the effort.
I was recently scrolling through my notes app and came I came upon a quote I’d copied from the incredible book, A Gentleman in Moscow:
“…life does not proceed by leaps and bounds. It unfolds. At any given moment, it is the manifestation of a thousand transitions. Our faculties wax and wane, our experiences accumulate, and our opinions evolve — if not glacially then at least gradually. Such that the events of an average day are as likely to transform who we are as pinch of pepper is to transform a stew.”
So, if not leaps and bounds, what are some of the tiny details that have shaped this past year?
1. I carry a reusable grocery bag everywhere.
If I had to point to one, tangible life change since moving here. It’s this. Germans are pretty outstanding when it comes to recycling and doing their part for the environment. So I feel this tiny fact is indicative of my assimilation and I’m really smug about it :)
2. Kindness, empathy, and patience are just the fucking best.
Moving is hard. Not speaking the language (at all) is hard. Being 7+ timezones away from friends and family is really hard. But being on the receiving end of genuine kindness, empathy, and patience is nothing short of amazing. This shows up the most for me at work, because American work culture can often be the opposite. Being right is often valued more than being kind, being quick is valued more than being patient, and forcing your point of view is valued more than understanding others. In my short time here, I’ve taken some missteps, been quite wrong, and otherwise tentative and unsure — it’s been the kindness, empathy and patience of others that has made all the difference.
3. Satisfying curiosity can be a goal.
We still get asked: Why’d you move to Frankfurt? And I still struggle with the answer. Is it because we wanted an adventure? For work? Because it’s close to Spain and we like Rioja and tapas? It’s some combination of those and probably a dozen other things. When we moved, I was obsessed with coming up with the right answer — I needed to find my WHY.
Then a friend sent me this podcast — Elizabeth Gilbert: The Curiosity-Driven Life — and I realized that this move didn’t need to hold the weight of so much purpose. That it’s ok to follow your curiosity and see what happens.
Curiosity has been an incredible device, before the move and still. If not for curiosity, I’d probably have been paralyzed by fear. Fear of saying the wrong thing (in more than one language) and an enormous fear of failure. It’s pulled me out of anxiety and into a place of exploration and interest. Curiosity has led to more questions, greater flexibility and ultimately — more joy. Holding curiosity as the goal is freedom from failure because there’s not really a right way to do curiosity. So, that’s it. That’s the goal.
4. Humility is learning the alphabet at 36.
When we moved here and disclosed that we really didn’t speak any German, everyone reassured us: “It’s fine. Everyone speaks English.” For starters, that’s not true and kind of arrogant. And secondly, it’s really isolating to live in a place where you can’t communicate in the local language. So, we’re learning and it’s really humbling to learn how to pronounce the letters of the alphabet as a grownup. It’s also humbling to work with folks who speak multiple languages and can snap into and out of them flawlessly. And it’s even more humbling to meet immigrants and refugees in industries who don’t get the benefit of working in their native language and had to get to conversational German real quick. This of course, brings us back to point #2…this humility is a good nudge towards kindness, empathy and patience.
I tried to come up with a 5th…but thinking about this any longer feels over indulgent. I will say though, that doing life with a partner who encourages big adventures, isn’t afraid to give it a go in a new language, and navigates the German utilities infrastructure has been ESSENTIAL. Someone who is kind, patient and empathetic and endures me when I’m not.
Here’s to year ZWEI 🇩🇪
